4 steps to deal with your negative emotions
How can I stop feeling negative emotions?
Someone asked me by message: How can I stop feeling negative emotions?
Short answer: You cannot, they are part of life! But stay with me, I will explain you now how to deal better with them ;)
We cannot avoid feel negative emotions, but the good news is that you don’t have to let those emotions run your life.
You don’t have to react to all your emotions, you can just allow and observe them. You can feel anger for example without acting on it.
Understanding emotions
To be able to deal in the best way with any emotion, it´s good first to understand what an emotion is and where it’s coming from.
Emotions is simply a vibration in our body caused by a thought in our mind.
Although we may not want to admit it, we are responsible for creating all of our own emotions. Every thought that we think causes a chemical reaction and that reaction causes a physical response : an emotion.
Emotions always have a message. We need to be open to listen to this message. Repressing and avoiding them is not helpful because, as you know, what we resist, persists. For example: Anger often shows that a boundary has been crossed. If you don’t want to feel the anger, if you deny your anger, you will miss seeing that one of your boundaries has been crossed. When you avoid an emotion, you cut yourself off from yourself.
Emotions are very important because every decision we make, everything we do or don’t do in our life, is based on how we want to feel. EVERYTHING! It’s crazy no? Emotions are fuel for actions.
For example, when you want to be in a relationship, it´s because you think it will make you feel loved, or maybe supported, or worthy. When you want to start your own business, it´s often because you are looking for freedom.
The way you overcome a negative emotion is allowing you to feel it. It means being aware of it, and not repressing or escaping it. We
We don’t want to feel negative emotion, because we think it will be harmful. But technically an emotion is a wave of energy in the body. It may not be very pleasant but we can deal with it.
The better we get at processing negative emotions, the more freedom we are going to have.
Emotions only lasts for 90 seconds
Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor says in her book “ My stroke of insight” that an emotion lasts in the body and brain during 90 seconds. The sensations—like adrenalin, heat in the face, tightness in the throat, rapid heartbeat, hands shaking—arise, peak and dissipate on their own in 90 seconds.
When you feel a negative emotion for more than 90 seconds, it’s because you are replaying the story in your mind. Every time you replay the story, you re-trigger the circuit and the response. Every time you choose to think painful thoughts, you create a physical response in your body. By replaying the story, you not only keep your mind in a negative space, but your body experiences the pain created by the negative feeling again and again. Don’t judge yourself about this because it’s simply how our brain is wired: to replay the same stories. With awareness and practice, we can change this automatic answer and learn how to allow a negative emotion so it dissolves much faster.
How to allow an emotion:
Name it. It’ll have much less power when you name it. Ask yourself : What am I feeling right now? Words are really important in describing how you feel. Most of us will easily recognized the emotional states : sad, angry but what about resentful, appalled or annoyed? Develop better emotional skills by enriching your emotional vocabulary. It’s very important to be aware of our emotions, to watch them, without judging them.
Get in touch with your body and describe the emotion. For example, for me, sadness is like pressure in the area of my heart, something static, that don’t move. How can you describe what you are feeling in your body?
Breathe through it, inhaling and exhaling deeply, repeating to yourself that you are safe. You will feel the negative emotion slowly lose its intensity. Remind yourself that it’s a wave of energy and it only lasts 90s, you are safe.
You can now consciously choose to feel another emotion, that serve you more. Our emotions are coming from our thoughts, so decide what emotions you want to feel and then find the thoughts that will create this feeling and practice them all day long.
GIFT ALERT! I know that for most of my clients, it’s hard to name their emotions, so I created a list to help you put a name on what you feel. Send me a message clicking here to have it!